Underneath the Shade
by Waiwa Ayas
Summary: What if Natsuno and Tohru survived the purge of Sotoba? Natsuno Yuuki is not pleased when he awakens in the middle of a burned wasteland to the discovery that he is still "alive." All he wants is to rest in peace; however, a drastic choice forced upon him may come to change the way he defines his future, along with life itself.
1. Rude Awakening

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! So I recently watched the anime Shiki, and I was very impressed by it. So impressed that I started wanting to write my own story about it, which is how you know it really caught my interest. So here is the first chapter of the story I'm developing. To be honest, I really shouldn't be doing this...I should be doing responsible adult-ish things befitting a person who hopes to one day become a responsible adult. Instead I find myself unable to resist writing stories when I should be writing critical literary essays for my Methods class. *smacks pillow into face* **

**Anyway, I just wanted to post some writing here and see if the story feels strong enough to be continued. If people want me to continue, I suppose I shall. Reviews will be appreciated. And thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy! *bows* **

Natsuno Yuuki had not been happy when he had awoken in the belly of a god-forsaken fissure in the ground, covered in blood, his clothes burnt to cinders, but still definitely alive- or as alive as he could be considered in his present state of being. In fact, his current undead status was causing him a great deal of dismay as he wandered blindly through the forest, reflecting on his second unwelcome awakening.

He had not planned for this. He had planned on the fissure, planned on the dynamite, planned out exactly how to lure Tatsumi into a battle beside the gaping maw of earth, drag him down inside of it, light the fuse, and close his eyes….and then there had been no need to plan beyond that. After that ending, after that one, final effort to eradicate the okiagari, his work would be over and he could finally rest in peace like he should have when he had first died. That had been his consolation, the prize he was after. As the whole nightmare in Sotoba had gone from bad to worse to hell, Natsuno had found himself having to settle for smaller and smaller consolations. At first it had been his great, outlying dream of passing the college entrance exams, going to a university in a big city, and leaving Sotoba far behind. Then it had been running from Sotoba with Tohru, escaping the madness and helping each other to find a way in the world. When he had finally realized that Tohru was not going to come away with him, that he was trapped under the vampire's thrall just as strongly as Natsuno himself- then, he had gradually settled for simply dying in peace, defeated, but still able to rest in the knowledge that he had tried. And then, in some extremely rude joke of a universe gone insane, Natsuno Yuuki had risen again. After this, all he had wanted was to destroy the monsters who had brought this upon him, and to find a way to take himself with them to wherever monsters went after death. The undead were things which did not belong in the mortal world, and he had sworn that his last act in this world would be to bring down the most dangerous of them all- the jinrou, himself included. He had lit the fuse with a relieved smile in his heart, knowing he was finally going to put things right and return the dead to their graves.

And what the _hell _had happened after that? Natsuno had no memory of anything from the time the roar began and the sky went black to the moment he opened his eyes and observed his body, unclothed and burned in places, but definitely still intact. It made absolutely no sense. He had been holding the dynamite against his chest when it exploded. He should have been ripped to pieces, to shreds, he and Tatsumi both. Had his body somehow reassembled itself while he'd been unconscious? Was the healing ability of the jinrou really that intense? But no, Seishirou Kirishiki had been able to kill Yoshie with a shot to the head, so why the hell was he still alive after literally blowing himself up? Whatever the reason, it left Natsuno's mind washed up on the banks of uncertainty as he stumbled along through the sunlit woods, alone and utterly devoid of any sort of plan. He wasn't sure how long he staggered around in shock before he finally noticed he was walking through a forest of blackened, bare skeleton trees. A fire had passed through this area, so recently that some patches of ground were still smoldering. He wondered how it had happened, whether the humans had started it to drive the okiagari away, or if the monsters had lit it in an attempt to distract the humans and give themselves time to escape.

The only good thing that had happened to the baffled jinrou since he'd awoken had been the discovery of some empty clothes lying discarded in a burned-out lump of dirt. He supposed they must have been left there after the woods had stopped burning. He'd wasted no time in pulling them on; the paranoid feeling of being naked in the open was something he could not tolerate even if there was no one around to see him. The pants were too big and the shirt too small, which did not make sense either, but Natsuno was far past expecting things to make sense. He walked and walked and walked, feeling the burns underneath his new clothes healing as he moved. He walked even further, and then, he simply stopped. He stopped, crouched down, and stared at the ground with hard, bright eyes.

What was he supposed to do now? He didn't want to go back to Sotoba. He didn't want to go anywhere else, either. He didn't feel like staying here. He wasn't even certain where 'here' was. He was supposed to be dead and buried by the force of his explosion. He was supposed to be dead- and he had absolutely no idea how to accomplish this. With a frustrated groan, Natsuno flopped down onto his back and turned his head to stare out at the world around him, hoping an idea would come to him. He could see nothing but sky, the barren tops of trees, and the barest edge of a hill protruding upward behind him. Suddenly interested, Natsuno sat up again and surveyed the hill. If he could climb up its slope, he should be able to see Sotoba. With that, he could get a sense of where he was, and also of how far the wildfire had burned. And then….he didn't know yet what he would do with that information. But it was a plan, and Natsuno's mind seized upon it like an iron clamp. He would work out the next phase of his plan when he reached the top of the hill. For now, it was time to lift his unnatural body off of the soot-scarred dirt and begin his upward climb.


	2. Please, Natsuno

**Hello all! Here is the second chapter! I worked really hard on it! :)**

**Anyway, please review if you think this story should continue. I still have to plan out a bunch of things for the trajectory of this story, and reviews would make me more confident that it's worth the effort. Thank you! **

It did not take the jinrou much time to scale the hill's sloping back. The sun was blazing down around him, but the heat did not make him uncomfortable as he trudged upward. It reminded him of the summer weather he'd always enjoyed this time of year, before summer had ever brought anything deadly into his existence. Natsuno was partial to the things of summer- the tall, hushing grasses, the leaves speckled with sunbeams, the warm rainstorms. This was the reason he had preferred to leave his window open while he studied in his room, until a rather annoying outside factor had forced him to keep it shut. Back when his biggest problem in life was the simple irritation he'd felt at living in this backwoods village and having to deal with its residents….most of whom were now dead. He would never again have to nod politely at their small talk or pretend not to notice as they bunched together and gossiped about him as he wheeled his bicycle down the road. Never again….but not at all in the way he had wanted. He had not wished to play a part in their lives, but that didn't mean he'd wanted them gone. They were just people; they had done nothing to invite the death the okiagari brought upon them. They had deserved to live peacefully in their backwoods village for as long as they pleased.

As he neared the hill's crest, Natsuno halted suddenly and locked his feet. There was something….something gray drifting through the air in between the trees. Ashes….? But these smelled different than the fire-ashes from below. These smelled like….death. Death and pain and burning. Natsuno's extra-sensitive nose brought him to the destabilizing realization that he was watching the crumbling ashes of dead okiagari fluttering past his eyes.

He recoiled at the scent and glanced back down the hill's slope, immediately thinking to leave and find a different hill to climb. However, the desire to know what had happened drew his eyes upward again. Had the okiagari fallen asleep and been caught in the sun? Had the wildfire burned them? Was there anyone or anything still up there? Natsuno listened to the carried silence of the wind, slowly edging his way around the girth of the hill toward the source of the ashes. He heard nothing to indicate any remaining life aside from himself among the dead trees. He was tiptoeing along when something caught his eye- something like a discolored smear on the trunk of one of the trees. Below it lay a miniscule pile of ashes. With each puff of breeze passing over the hill's crown, a bit more of the ash rose up and swirled away into the sky. Lying discarded around the base of the tree were a few tangles of knotted rope. Natsuno closed his eyes and massaged his forehead, wishing he had not come to investigate. If the rope was still here, that meant the okiagari had not burned in the fire. Afterward, the humans must have tied them to the trees that were still standing and let the sun come up to do its work. Up ahead he could see similar discolored smears on various trees, as the ash continued to trace its airborne way through the silent woods. What an awful way to die. It wouldn't have been quick, either. Natsuno had no illusions about the atrocities the okiagari had committed in Sotoba, and their just punishment for it; but this level of vindictiveness truly disturbed him. He turned away from the grisly scene and began to walk back down the hill, taking care not to look behind him. Whatever they had been, at least the okiagari were truly dead now; dead as he ought to be, as he would be, as soon as he could….

Natsuno's resolve not to look behind him was broken as his sensitive ears picked up a small, fragile sound that seemed to come from within the dead trees he had just left. At first he assumed it was merely the cry of a passing bird, but then he detected it again- a soft, whimpering noise. Furrowing his brow, he traced backward a few steps and listened for it again. There? No- there!- he was fairly certain it was coming from the other side of a charred, felled tree lying near the top of the hill. The tree was rather large, and its collapse had ripped its entire roots system out of the ground. Therefore, the huge slabs of earth still gripped by exposed roots were blocking Natsuno's view of whatever was behind them, making that sound. Carefully, the jinrou edged his way up through the distasteful maze of ashes toward the horizontal body of the tree. Could it be an okiagari who was not yet fully dead? Or perhaps it was someone clever, like Tatsumi, trying to lure him into venturing closer. One of the thoughts that had been lurking in the back of Natsuno's mind since he had awoken was the high probability that if he had survived the explosion, Tatsumi must have as well. There was no way to deny the more experienced jinrou was stronger than him. Natsuno did not think it amiss to assume that Tatsumi could probably do anything he could do, and then some. Shoulders tensed, prepared for an attack, Natsuno bent his body and crept warily around the downed tree, craning his neck to see into the shadowed expanse on the other side.

For a moment, he couldn't breathe. Natsuno did not need to breathe since turning into a jinrou, but he often preferred to do it anyway. It kept him connected to a sense of normalcy which was false, but reassuring nonetheless. However, for a moment of time he physically lost the ability to exhale as his eyes caught onto a figure crouching low in the shadow of the fallen tree. It was not the blue, spiked hair of Tatsumi he saw, but the messy blonde locks and earnest face which he had come to know so well as a human. It was Tohru Mutou, on his knees with his legs tied together and arms roped behind his back around the trunk of an upright tree. His clothing was torn and smudged with soot, but he looked otherwise unharmed, and Natsuno realized that the collapse of the tree beside him had cast a wide enough shadow over his former friend to shield him from the sun. It seemed to have been a temporary salvation, however, noting the current position of the sun. As it rose higher in the sky, it would cause the shadow to recede and finally expose Tohru to the deadly sunlight when it came directly overhead. Natsuno observed the scene critically, all the while finding himself affected by a strange paralysis that prevented him from moving either forward or backward. A large rock seemed to have lodged in his throat, stifling his voice even though he could not think of anything to say. Tohru's head was bowed, and he was still unaware of Natsuno's presence as he shifted his body around in a desperate quest to escape. Where exactly he thought he was going to hide within the burned-out forest, lacking any leafy branches to block out the sun, was anyone's guess. His soft, miserable sobs cracked against Natsuno's ears as Tohru tried again and again to draw his feet underneath him to give himself some leverage for pulling against the rope binding his hands. However, his bound legs simply refused to move that far, each time falling back to the ground as if broken. Tohru sobbed harder and bent his torso forward as far as he could, glancing fearfully over at the line of sunlight which was only a foot away from him. At that moment, he raised his head and caught sight of Natsuno. The jinrou could not help but flinch as the tear-soaked eyes widened and his former friend gave a sudden, shuddering gasp. The okiagari's eyes were half-terrified and half-hopeful as Tohru lifted his head to take him in, the same expression that had greeted Natsuno every time his undead friend had materialized outside his window to drain more of his blood, driving him closer and closer to death. Now Tohru gave a sudden shiver and whispered in a tiny, pained voice, "Natsuno….are you really….?"

The jinrou recoiled at the unwanted familiarity in the name. "I told you not to call me that," he growled, his voice cold and flat. There was a parturient pause as Tohru's eyes filled up with fresh tears. "Natsuno….please…."

"Don't you dare!" the other male shouted, suddenly furious. "Don't you _dare_ talk to me like before! _You_ did this to me!"

"I'm sorry…." Tohru swallowed hard, still staring beseechingly up at his former friend. "Natsuno, please, I-"

Natsuno's face contracted. "Shut up!" he yelled harshly, turning his back to avoid looking at the object of his rage. "Goddammit, you always-"

"**WAIT!** Please don't go!" Tohru begged, beginning to sob convulsively once more, having apparently interpreted the jinrou's turned back as a sign that he was about to walk away. "_Please_ N-Natsuno, don't l-leave me here…."

Natsuno clenched his fists, still refusing to turn back around and look at the trapped okiagari. "Why not? Why shouldn't I go? You left me to die alone! I wanted to _help_ you, I offered to run away with you and find a solution, but instead you bled me out and killed me! And I wasn't the only one, was I? How many lives have you ended to feed yourself?!"

Tohru shook his head wildly and wailed, a pitch of pure misery, as if the memory of his crimes was causing him physical pain. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I didn't want to do it, but- but Tatsumi said- Tatsumi said he'd kill my family if I didn't!- and I couldn't, I couldn't let them die, I couldn't stand it, especially if they might rise up and become monsters like me!... I-I'm so sorry, Natsuno…. I couldn't go with you….even if we did get away, Aoi and Tamotsu and mother and father would still be-"

Natsuno finally turned around to glare directly into Tohru's eyes. His former friend seemed to crumple under the weight of his gaze. Tohru bowed his head low to the ground, his shoulders trembling convulsively. He whispered, "I know….I know that doesn't make me less of a murderer….I know I hunted other people's siblings and mothers and fathers to save my own, and they would probably hate me if they knew….oh god!" Tohru's body spasmed in pain as a ray of sunlight touched the tip of his elbow. Squirming and struggling desperately, the okiagari was able to lean himself away from the poison light, but just barely. It would be mere minutes until he had no more room to maneuver. Natsuno's heart was thudding wildly against his ribs, making him feel more human and more vulnerable than he'd often felt even when he was human.

Shivering in terror, Tohru peered upward again. There was a dreadful gleam of finality in his rust-red eyes. "Natsuno….I understand….if you don't want to save me. I know I don't deserve to live. But please, please Natsuno, will you kill me quickly, before the light comes- please? There are some stakes left over at the top of the hill. You're strong enough to do it….Natsuno…."

"Stop saying my name!" the jinrou ordered in a raw bark, taking a step backwards in shock. "You- you- _damn_ you, how can you ask that of me?!"

"I'm sorry!" Tohru cried, pulling desperately at the rope which bound his arms around the tree. The terror in his eyes had reached a fever pitch, and Natsuno wondered if he even knew what he was doing. "I'm sorry, Natsuno….you've been so kind to me….you gave me your blood, and I….oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god," the okiagari whimpered, staring at the glowing expanse of sunlight beside him as if it were the worst thing in the world. "_Please_ Natsuno, please just do this one last thing for me, and I promise you'll never have to think of me again! Don't let me burn! Please, I can't stand it- I don't want to burn! It takes _so long _to die that way, Natsuno, please-!"

Clenching his teeth, the dark-haired boy abruptly wheeled around and began to stride away toward the top of the hill, telling himself that he just needed to put some distance between his ears and Tohru's terrified, pleading voice. He could still hear it as he made the short trek upward, every few seconds whispering "Please….please…."

Standing upon the hilltop, Natsuno observed that Tohru had been right- there were several hand-carved stakes lying haphazardly in the dirt, along with a sturdy metal hammer. The humans seemed to have left in a hurry after tying up the okiagari, for what reason Natsuno did not know. Taking a few more steps forward, he suddenly drew back in a defensive crouch as he spotted the dark shape of a body propped up against the base of another tree. After a few moments of staring, however, he realized that it was just an empty blanket, likely used to carry the stakes and hammers. To be absolutely sure, Natsuno crept up behind the tree and kicked the blanket, breathing a sigh of relief when it fell open empty. Turning around, he gazed back down the hill and over the charcoal forest, pointedly avoiding looking at Tohru and his frantically staring eyes. He could see Sotoba from here, or at least the clear-cut remnants of where Sotoba had been. Some buildings were still standing, but he didn't see a single one that appeared to have been spared the fire's ravages. The little village he had always hated was burned to the ground, the survivors had presumably fled, and everyone else was dead….and for this moment, there was no one else in the world except for him and Tohru. Natsuno stared at the grainy stakes; he picked one up and weighed it in his hand. Could he do it? Hammer this thing through Tohru's heart? After everything the okiagari had done, to let him live would be unjust…. If he steadied his hand and drove it in with all his strength, it should only take a minute, a blessing in comparison to the slow, torturous death his former friend faced if he decided to walk away…. But pounding the stake into Tohru's heart meant taking direct responsibility, killing him with his action rather than his inaction. Was one truly worse than the other? Tohru….he was the one responsible for Natsuno's sorry state. And yet…. And yet, in the end, this was not about Tohru Mutou, what he'd done or what he hadn't done. This was about himself, Natsuno Yuuki, and what he could stand to do, and where he met the edge of his limitations. In a breath of clean air from the higher sky, Natsuno realized that despite what Tohru had done to him, despite what he himself had become, he had not moved on from the human he had been in the woods on that night, the one who had flung the stake to the ground and offered his blood to his friend to ease his pain. He was still that stupid. He could not kill Tohru. But then, what the hell was he supposed to-?

"NATSUNO! NATSUNO, HELP ME!" The jinrou jumped out of his skin at the sound of the agonized voice, screaming for all it was worth. With only the faintest idea of what he was doing, Natsuno scrambled around on the hillside, grabbing the hammer, the blanket, and several stakes, before racing back down the sooty slope and skidding to a halt before Tohru's writhing body. The sunlight was gleaming upon his left arm and a part of his legs, causing the flesh to crackle and horrible burns to bloom like deadly flowers. The okiagari screamed in horror, no words, just inexpressible pain. Cursing, Natsuno dropped all the heavy items in his arms and lunged at Tohru, throwing the thick blanket over the side that was exposed to the sun. After a few moments, Tohru stopped screaming and began to moan as the wounds scabbed over and healed. Natsuno held him close, using his own back to block any more rays of sun from reaching the other. Helpless, Tohru pressed his trembling body into the jinrou as if it were the last thing he would ever do. Slowly, slowly, his eyes opened and he gazed into Natsuno's face. Just as slowly, they moved past him to settle upon the stake and hammer lying on the ground a few feet away. A tremulous, tragic smile spread across his gentle face. "Thank you….Natsuno…."

"Don't thank me," the jinrou answered gruffly, leaning upward and moving over Tohru's left side. Making sure the okiagari was still shielded from the sun, Natsuno reached out his hand and drew out his claws, sinking them into the heart of the rope binding Tohru's hands. Tohru's expression turned from resigned to confused as Natsuno sawed roughly with his claws, finally splitting the rope and catching Tohru as he tumbled weakly forward. The jinrou shoved the other back into the sliver of shade still remaining, and spread the blanket across the ground. "Climb onto the blanket."

"Natsuno….?" Tohru asked, staring hesitantly up and him.

"Climb onto the blanket and curl up in the fetal position. Now." Natsuno demanded, scrambling out into the sunlight to collect the stakes and the hammer. He was going to need these later if he ran across any other okiagari, especially Tatsumi or that villainess, Sunako.

Tohru obeyed, although he had to drag himself awkwardly onto the blanket because Natsuno had forgotten about his bound legs. The jinrou considered trying to free them, but glanced over the tiny amount of shade still protecting Tohru and decided he would deal with that later. It wasn't as though the okiagari would be able to walk through the forest, anyway. Hurrying back to his side, Natsuno shrugged off Tohru's attempt to touch his arm and gripped two diagonal corners of the blanket. "Hold still," he commanded, pulling them over the okiagari and tying them securely, so no light could get in. He did the same with the other two corners, and then proceeded to stack the stakes and hammer on top of the strange bundle. Calling upon his unnatural strength, Natsuno drew a deep breath and lifted the blanket into his arms, feeling Tohru's body tense up within it. "Can you-" he started, and then cut off- he had been about to ask if the other could breathe all right in there. Stupid question. Instead, he stepped very tentatively into the sunlight, and waited for a moment. "Are you okay right now?" he queried.

"Yes," he heard Tohru's soft voice respond, muffled by the blanket's thickness. "Natsuno….where are we going?"

"I don't know," the jinrou responded, beginning to trudge toward the top of the hill again. Carrying Tohru was going to be difficult, but he would manage. "But I have an idea of where we are, so….I'm going to try to find a good location. You should sleep. You're supposed to be asleep right now, anyway. When you wake up, we'll be….somewhere else. Away from here."

There was a silent pause, and then Natsuno felt the edge of a hand press against his chest from inside the blanket. "Thank you, Natsuno…." The jinrou tossed his head and did not respond, and the blanket grew quiet and still after this. Reaching the top of the hill, Natsuno stared out for a moment before coming to the conclusion that no particular direction appeared any more promising than another. They were completely surrounded by destruction. Adjusting the blanket in his arms, Natsuno shrugged darkly and began to trek down the hill's other side, determined to keep going for as long as he could. The wind funneled overhead, and the traveler squinted his eyes against it as he once again carved a path out into the unknown.


	3. Touch

**Thank you everyone for all of your reviews and favorites and follows! They have made me happy! And a happy writer is a productive writer, so here is another chapter! **

**On another note, there is a matter on which I am wanting some opinions from the general readership. I was mostly planning to write this story from Natsuno's point of view, but then I started wondering if it might be beneficial/interesting to see things through Tohru's eyes occasionally. Should I do multiple perspectives? I feel like I understand the characters well enough to do it, but I'm wondering what you guys think. Let me know! :)**

The sun was going down over the hills around Sotoba. Within a forest made of nothing but jagged spears of charcoal, darkness bled through the remains of trees like water soaking into a cloth. The ash-laden air was almost entirely devoid of sound, creating an eerie effect throughout what had once been a lively forest habitat. The animals were all gone now, killed or chased away by the flames; even the birds neglected to fly over the ruined land, its strangeness disconcerting them and stoking their instinctual sense of danger. Indeed, the only noise heard in any part of the forest was a bedlam of hammering coming from a valley west of the ruined village of Sotoba. The mallet strikes pierced the air one after another, until at last they slowed in tempo and finally ceased altogether.

Natsuno Yuuki wiped the sweat of exertion off his forehead as he sat back on his haunches, gripping the hammer and propping another board up against the wall to his right. The jinrou was currently patching up the holes in the walls of a remote cottage which he had stumbled across several hours earlier. It was not the most desirable of locations- about half the cottage had collapsed, leaving a giant gash in the wall of the living room, but the room which he was currently in, a bedroom fitted with several beds, was almost entirely intact. This cottage had probably been used as an overnight lodging place for those people who had made their living harvesting the Momi fir trees surrounding Sotoba, and who were often obliged to spend large amounts of time working out in the woods, back when the forest had been lush and green. Poking around inside, Natsuno had found that several of the metal tools associated with this labor, such as the bundles of nails he was currently using, had been left unscathed by the fire. After he had amassed them together on the bedroom floor, he had embarked on a search for water, his throat parched and dry from inhaling ash all day. Unfortunately, this search had proven less than successful. The kitchen was reduced to a pile of rubble, and neither the bathroom sink nor the bathtub faucets produced anything other than blackened slime. In the end, he had concluded that he would just have to wait for it to rain. His hopes were reinforced by the darkened clouds beginning to roll across the sky, blocking out the rising moon. While he waited for the sun to set, Natsuno had taken up the hammer and begun to nail loose boards over the holes in the bedroom walls, more to give himself something to do than for any practical reason. He didn't plan to stay here for a long time. But at the moment, the jinrou did not want to think about the bizarre twist of fate which had led him out of the ruin of his second grave, and even less about the fact that he was not alone.

Tohru Mutou. He had placed the lump of blankets which was his former friend into a shadowed corner of the bedroom, and after checking to make sure the edges were still knotted, had not looked at it since. Now, as the sun sent up its dying rays, he had to resist the apprehensive urge to sneak a glance. Tohru should be waking up soon. Natsuno picked up the hammer again, grabbed another ragged board, and moved on to the next wall. The jinrou was aware that he was now stronger, faster, and altogether more resilient than the okiagari would ever be. Tohru was not a threat to Natsuno's physical safety, as he'd been when the jinrou had been human. All the same, he was definitely threatening his peace of mind. Natsuno had saved him, but now, what the hell was he supposed to do with him? They couldn't go back to being like they'd been before….Tohru laughing and carefree in his bedroom, and Natsuno wearing an exasperated frown, but secretly pleased by the other's presence. Those had been times he had not realized he would miss so much until they were gone….but gone they surely were now, covered by bloodshed and immolated in fire. Tohru had _killed_ people. The okiagari had _murdered_ Natsuno, turned down his outstretched hand and stolen his plans for a future. Yes, he had done so under extreme duress, but still…. _I should be furious,_ Natsuno thought, hammering down as though his anger was the nail he was pressing into the wall. _I ought to want him to cry, to be in pain. Stupid Tohru. I shouldn't want to help him. I shouldn't feel like I don't ever want to see him broken like that again…. It's not the same. Things aren't the same as before. He wasn't thinking about how to help __**me**__ when I was still human, was he?_

A sudden flurry of movement from the corner behind him caused Natsuno to glance over his shoulder. The blanket was moving in a jerky, agitated manner; he could see the edges of limbs pressing against the thick material. So Tohru was awake. Did he remember what had happened during the day? Natsuno couldn't think of anything to say, so he eventually just called out, "Hey."

The blanket twitched and grew suddenly still. After a moment, Tohru's soft, frightened voice sounded from beneath the folds. "Natsuno….? Where are we? What's happening?"

The jinrou set down the hammer, the noise causing the blanket to twitch again. It had only just occurred to him that the sound of hammering might have scared the okiagari. Natsuno stood up and began to move across the floor toward the lumpy blanket. "It's all right," he said matter-of-factly. "We're still in the forest. I found a bit of shelter. I was just hammering boards over the holes in the walls; that's all."

The blanket shifted around silently for another moment. Natsuno could detect the press of hands against the inside of the fabric. Eventually, Tohru spoke again. "Then….may I….come out?"

"The sun has set," Natsuno confirmed, drawing up beside the blanket. Part of him wanted to leave Tohru to his own devices, but on the other hand, he didn't want the okiagari tearing the blanket. They might need it later. Stooping, Natsuno swiftly unknotted the top of the fabric and watched as Tohru emerged, glancing hesitantly in all directions. His former friend was wearing camo-green pants and a white T-shirt, although it couldn't really be called 'white' anymore with the amount of scuffing it had taken. His exposed skin was also covered in soot, especially his face and neck, as though he'd fallen headfirst into it at some point. He had no shoes, only extremely dirty socks, and his legs were still tightly bound at the knees and ankles. His blonde hair was tousled and unkempt, just as Natsuno remembered it when he'd first met him. Tohru turned from his examination of the room to gaze up at the jinrou; his eyes were huge and red and looked like they held nightmares behind them. Once again, Natsuno had no idea what to say. His confusion was clashing with his realistic sense that he ought to be angry at this person, at Tohru…. Huffing in frustration, the jinrou wheeled around the tried to stalk away. He had only gone a step when he felt an ice-cold hand seize the ankle-cuff of his jeans. Instinctively, Natsuno jerked away and flipped his body into a defensive position, only to find Tohru still sitting harmlessly on the floor, staring up at him with those huge, red eyes. Growling in irritation, Natsuno snapped, "What?! What do you want?"

Looking almost as confused as the other felt, Tohru reached out toward the jinrou's arm. "Natsuno…."

"Knock it off!" he demanded, taking several blurring steps back. "Don't use my name, and _don't _touch me!"

The okiagari bit his lip and lowered his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry…."

Muttering to himself in irritation, Natsuno strode to the center of the room where he'd amassed all of the metal tools. Choosing a steel knife from within the pile, he shuffled back over to Tohru and held it out, blade-first. The okiagari tensed and curled his body together.

Natsuno scowled fiercely. "I wouldn't have carried you all this way if I was just going to kill you when we got here. Take this, and cut yourself free. However, if at any point in the future you try to prey on any more humans, I will find you and restrain you again so you can't hunt. I have no intention of unleashing you on whatever is still left of the world. Understand?"

Still staring determinedly at a point below Natsuno's eyes, Tohru nodded silently and took the knife in his hand. The jinrou returned to his pile of construction materials, gathering up the spare nails and clinking them back into the container as the harsh sound of steel sawing through rope filled the air. Soon, he heard the ropes give out and the okiagari breathe a tiny sigh of relief, shifting his legs around freely. Natsuno heaved his remaining boards over his shoulder and carted them over to the last un-boarded wall as Tohru made a shaky attempt at standing up. The jinrou stubbornly pretended that he wasn't keeping track of what the other was doing as he located a good-sized hole and measured out several boards to cover it. The first strike of hammer against nail precipitated a little cry from behind him. Natsuno turned to see Tohru fallen back to his knees, clutching his hands over his ears. That was right…. Metallic sounds….were frightening to okiagari. Natsuno picked up another nail and turned back to the wall. "I know you don't like this sound, but I have to cover up these holes so no rainwater or sunlight can get in. I'm almost done. This is the last wall." That was as close as Tohru was getting to an apology from him.

Natsuno kept hammering, determinedly keeping his back turned to the other. When at last he was finished and every opening had been covered (thank God there were no holes in the ceiling,) he breathed deeply and surveyed the room, looking over his handiwork. His eyes caught onto Tohru; the okiagari was pressing himself into the furthest corner from him, hands clasped desperately over his ears. From deep within his traitorous heart, Natsuno felt the uneasy urge to comfort his former friend. He immediately beat it back. Dropping the hammer and nails into the pile of tools, the jinrou meandered over to the curled-up figure. "It's over," he announced loudly. "Don't touch me!" he was obliged to add a moment later, as Tohru's hands involuntarily reached out toward him again. Still shivering, the okiagari stood up and the two stared at each other in uncomfortable silence until Natsuno was distracted by a sudden tap on the bedroom window. He jumped immediately, his memories flying back to another bedroom, another window, to that unexpected knocking that had sealed his fate…. But after a moment, he recognized this tapping as the sound of raindrops against the glass. Finally!

Hurrying back to his pile of tools, Natsuno dithered impatiently as he heard the raindrops thicken upon the ground. His mind whirled through necessary schematics. Earlier he had found a few intact buckets and cups in the ruins of the kitchen, which he had set aside for collecting water….but where should he pour the water when they became full? He wanted to have as much as possible….. Seizing upon a sudden idea, the jinrou grabbed the blanket and hurried into the attached bathroom. The sink and bathtub were full of ash and debris, but Natsuno went to work quickly, tossing out the bigger pieces and using the edges of the blanket to sweep the ash and little wooden splinters onto the floor. It would have been much easier if he'd had a broom, but this would have to do. He was working so intently that he did not see the lanky figure of Tohru standing in the doorway. "Natsuno…." the hesitant voice murmured, "do you….need help?"

The other shook his head rapidly without glancing up. "No. I'm fine. Move." Hurrying back into the bedroom, Natsuno shook the blanket out, tossed it on a bed, and practically ran through the half-destroyed living room into the completely destroyed kitchen, where he'd cleared a little space to keep the buckets and cups. There was no foliage above the cottage to block out the rain, so he spread his collection around the space freely- two gallon-sized buckets, a large saucepan, a medium mixing bowl, and several cups which were somewhat chipped, but still usable. Hurrying back into the bathroom, Natsuno pressed the seals over the drains in both the sink and the bathtub, then whisked back outside to wait for the kitchenware to fill with water. It was slow going. They were all different sizes, so the cups filled up first, and Natsuno carried them carefully through the bedroom and emptied them in the now-clean sink. He stared for a moment to make sure the seal was working effectively, then brought them back outside and repeated the process. He couldn't resist opening his mouth to let the rain fall in as he waited, sitting calmly in the open and not even caring about his dampening clothes. He could feel the pure water flushing out the terrible, suffocating taste of ash. Soon the sink was filled up, and Natsuno was obliged to start pouring the larger buckets and bowls into the bathtub. He wasn't sure when it would rain again, and he had no intention of taking his chances.

Helpful or not, as Natsuno hurried back and forth on his water-gathering mission, Tohru followed shyly behind him like a lost puppy. He didn't speak, seemingly afraid he would annoy Natsuno again, but he didn't seem to want to be by himself. The jinrou ignored him as officiously as he could, but as he moved around he thought to himself that he really should have expected this sort of thing. Tohru was obviously traumatized by what he'd been through before Natsuno had found him, and afraid of being left alone with those memories. Although the fallen log had blocked the okiagari's view of his fellows' suffering, he had doubtless been able to hear their agonized screams for hours upon hours before they finally ended….and this compounded with the horror of knowing he was next, watching the line of sunlight drawing slowly nearer and being bound, unable to flee….the primal fear of dying alone. Natsuno snuck an uneasy glance over at Tohru, who was currently standing aimlessly in the corner of the living room. What exactly was he supposed to do about that? He wasn't a psychologist. And anyway, hadn't Tohru visited that same fear, along with its fulfillment, upon him?

The rainfall came to a close as Natsuno poured the last of the buckets and bowls into the nearly full bathtub. It had taken hours to collect, but at least they now had a reliable source of clean water for the immediate future. Plunging his hands down into the sink, Natsuno cupped them together and lifted them to his thirsty lips, drinking deeply and letting the excess water roll down his neck and over the pale flesh of his chest. He could not deny that it felt absolutely wonderful, cleansing. Suddenly seized by an idea, the jinrou rummaged around in the drawers below the sink, pulling out a blue washcloth. He filled the mixing bowl halfway with water, and wandered back into the bedroom, noticing Tohru sitting curled up in the corner across from the door. Second-guessing himself, Natsuno stood there for a moment, saying nothing, until he found the will to push through his apprehension and approach the okiagari. Setting the bowl on a bedside table, Natsuno sat down on the bed beside it and dipped the washcloth in the water. "Tohru, come here," he called, using the other's name for the first time since he'd found him on the hillside. Red eyes lifted up in surprise as the blonde boy stood and cautiously approached the bed. Natsuno indicated for him to sit down, and he obeyed. Biting his lip, the jinrou placed the mixing bowl in his lap and partially wrung out the washcloth. "Hold still," he commanded, and reached across the space between them.

Tohru made a little sound in his throat as the cool cloth touched his ice-cold skin. His eyes slid closed, and he leaned his face into the material as Natsuno slowly began to rub it back and forth over the sooty smudges, every moment fighting his instinct to separate, to push back. Forcing his body to lean toward Tohru was like trying to press himself through a concrete wall….and yet Natsuno kept at it, rubbing the cloth in little circles upon the okiagari's still face. He was thinking somehow that if he could wash away the obvious physical signs of what had happened to him, Tohru might feel better….not that he gave a damn whether his murderer felt better, he just- didn't want to deal with those eyes, that was all. Those huge red eyes, looking so lonely and guilty and lost…. Tohru hadn't looked like that at all until he'd risen. It was as though the rest of him had returned from the dead, but his old smile had stayed buried in the grave. Natsuno twitched when the okiagari's hands rose up and curled around his wrist. He thought that Tohru was going to either pull him closer or push him back….but the blonde boy applied no force to the hold. He just held on, completely ignoring Natsuno's earlier instructions, just like he usually did. The jinrou rolled his eyes, dipped the cloth back into the water, and tilted Tohru's face so he could wash the other side. He was certain he could see the okiagari relaxing as he brushed the cloth softly over the eyes and lips and forehead, lightly wetting the curls which framed them. Out the open door of the bedroom, he could see the first hints of sun begin to crack the horizon line, just visible above the ruined kitchen wall.

Tohru yawned, looking as though he might fall asleep on top of him. Realizing that he'd gotten closer than he'd intended, Natsuno finished his ministrations and leaned back, dropping the cloth into the water. He tried to pull his hand away, but Tohru was still awake enough to hold on. Frowning, Natsuno shook the okiagari's shoulder lightly. "Wake up. You can't fall asleep just yet. Go into the bathroom now and wash off the rest of your body. There are more washcloths and towels in the drawers; put some water in the buckets and use that. Just don't dip any cloth into the sink or bathtub water if it has soot on it. We don't want to contaminate the fresh water. All right?"

Tohru nodded slowly, but gave no indication of actually moving. Huffing indignantly, Natsuno reached over and mussed his already-unruly hair, causing his eyes to snap open in surprise. "Go!" the jinrou insisted, and Tohru finally stood up and wandered into the bathroom. He glanced behind him hesitantly before he closed the door. Alone at last, Natsuno carried the mixing bowl outside and dumped the sooty water into the wasted dirt surrounding the kitchen's ruins. He arranged the kitchenware in its former places, in case it rained again, and stared up into the dawning sky. It still felt eerie and unusual to be surrounded by a forest full of dead trees. Unnatural. For the first time since he'd woken up, Natsuno allowed himself to think of the way things had been when the forest had been green. His family…. He was fairly certain his mother was dead. He wondered if his father was by now as well. Even if he wasn't physically departed, the last time Natsuno had seen him, his mind had certainly been gone. It was tragically ironic in a way….they had always prided themselves in being so intelligent, so avant-garde, against the grain of society. They had expected him to be the same way, to share their ideas and ideals….one of the main reasons his childhood had been such an uncomfortable experience. And now look what they had come to. Look how they had ended, killed by mythical creatures in a backwoods village a million miles away from anything important. Natsuno clenched his fists in fruitless anger, staring up into the sky. It wasn't fair. They hadn't deserved to die like that. Maybe they hadn't been as clever as they'd always thought they were, but that was hardly a capital sin. Hs father had not meant to let the okiagari into the house. He had not meant to kill Natsuno by removing his only protection against them. He had been blind and bullheaded, but he had not deserved to lose his wife, his son, and his mind all in the same day. That was too much. Too much cruelty. Maybe the dead forest really was an appropriate setting for their current situation, Natsuno thought grimly. The world was a wasted, cruel place that dealt out horrors at the throw of a dice, without caring who was good and who was evil. Maybe it would have been better if it had all burned down, if none of them had survived this all-consuming nightmare in Sotoba.

"Natsuno….?"

The jinrou turned around to see Tohru lurking in the shadows behind the bedroom door, unable to emerge now that the morning light was splitting through the charcoal points of trees. His former friend's voice reminded him that despite his existential despair, at the moment he was still 'alive,' and therefore he must find a way to deal with that. Sighing, Natsuno draped the washcloth over a stone to dry in the sun, and ambled slowly back into the darkness of the bedroom, pushing the door closed behind him. Tohru looked much cleaner now. He was barefoot and shirtless, only his green pants still hanging off his body since he had nothing else to wear. At some point, they were going to need some new clothes, Natsuno mused. He didn't like the idea of being stuck in these misshapen garments for any longer than he had to be. Tohru looked like he was about to fall asleep standing up, so Natsuno guided him over to the bed they'd been sitting on earlier, and tapped his toes impatiently while the okiagari climbed in and burrowed under the covers. The jinrou gazed around the darkened room, checking to make sure he hadn't missed a spot when boarding up the walls. The bedroom was sealed in tightly against the outside light. He was definitely a woodworker's son. Natsuno was just about to head over to one of the other beds and take a nap himself, when he felt the shock of an ice-cold hand close around his wrist. Staring down into the tangle of covers, he observed Tohru's large eyes peering up at him. "What?"

"Natsuno…." the okiagari mumbled, tightening his fingers, "Will you….will you still be here when I wake up?"

For a moment there was silence. Then the jinrou muttered gruffly, "Yeah, I'll be here. Okay? Sleep now, Tohru." The other turned his face into the covers, his eyelids drooping lower and lower as he neared unconsciousness. Natsuno considered pulling away from his icy hand, but he did not until the dark red eyes had closed completely, and Tohru had entered the depths of a comatose sleep beyond human understanding.

**Well, that chapter was...interesting, yes? ;) Not much dialogue, especially on Tohru's end. I didn't feel like it would be right for these two to start talking right away. And then I noticed that they seem to speak volumes, even when they're not saying anything. I'm really glad that I recently stumbled across a singularly awesome AMV on Youtube which led me to watch this anime! Which then subsequently led to the creation of this story, which I am having a lot of fun writing.**

**Until next time! :)**


	4. Nourishment

**Hello, everyone! The story is back! Sorry it took me like a month and a half to update this. I had some important things to accomplish before I could focus on my stories again...such as GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE! That's right, I am now a new graduate with a double major in Education and Creative Writing! (I know, who would've guessed?) Anyway, now that I am out for the summer, I can focus on writing for pleasure once again, so expect more updates soon! It seems that everyone agrees that Tohru's pov should have a place in this story, so I will start with that in the next chapter. And thank you all for your wonderful reviews in my absence! Allow me to respond to a few of them here...**

**DareDevil979: I am pleased you are enjoying my story! And don't worry, I take good care of my babies! (Stories, that is.) XD**

**Chiisai Senpai: I'm glad you asked! For you and anyone else who is interested, the url of the amv that first interested me in watching Shiki is /watch?v=AKH1VE4CBEQ Also, here is a Natsuno/Tohru amv that I really like: /watch?v=IBOHqas4yr0 NOTE: FanFiction doesn't appear to want to let me post the complete urls, so please take note that in front of these url addresses you should type in the site address of YouTube. Or if that doesn't work, just type in 'heardyoulikeamvs2 dragula' and 'natsuno tohru last conversation' into the search box. Because technology is sometimes complicated like that. :P**

**Moonlit Innocence: I wrote another chapter! It's here, so there will be no need to 'bust a cap' on me. But seriously, I started laughing so hard when I read that. Best way to request an update ever! XD**

**Sound of Bells: I will always stay awesome! I hope you do too! :D**

**Now on with the story! :)**

Late in the day, as the sun sank toward the horizon and darkness began to rough the edges of visibility like a charcoal drawing, Natsuno Yuuki bent low to the ground and blew steadily into the little fire he'd created. The dark-haired jinrou was sitting beside the edge of a blackened river that he'd located earlier in the day, after he had awoken from his nap and decided to go exploring. This decision had been based not so much on curiosity, but rather on an increasing awareness that he could not survive off of only water indefinitely. Natsuno had no idea what he'd expected to find in terms of food upon setting out; the forest was a mantle of ash and burned vegetation. There was nothing left to eat; no pinecones, no berries, no seeds. He supposed he could dig for roots if he had no other choice, but the fact that the fire had burned all of the above-ground greenery into unrecognizable, charred skeletons meant that he could not determine which areas might have edible roots preserved underground. Confused and frustrated, he had wandered up a series of hills, away from the cabin and opposite the direction of Sotoba, until he heard a strange gurgling sound in the distance. It did not sound like a river, and as he drew closer he realized why; the water was pitch black and choked with the torched limbs of trees, disrupting its normally brisk flow. In some places, the river did not appear to be moving at all. However, he knew that there had to be movement underneath, or else the banks would flood, and since wood floated, this meant that the water underneath the surface had to be slightly cleaner. Intrigued, Natsuno started for the gleaming black water, and then stilled in surprise as the body of a bewildered-looking fish leapt out of the murk, flopped frantically against a large tree limb, and then tumbled back into the water. Fish. Of course, they must have gotten stranded by all the debris jamming up the river during the fire…. Taking on a predatory crouch, Natsuno moved down to the edge of the water, his lightning-fast eyes flicking attentively across the surface. There were fish here, and fish were food.

As a human, Natsuno would not have known the first thing about catching a fish, especially without any sort of fishing pole or net. He had helped his mother clean and prepare store-bought fish in the kitchen, but really, he was a city boy at heart. He liked his food made to order, without any mess or hassle. However, with all of the walking and hammering he'd been doing lately, he was hungry enough to accept the hassle if it meant acquiring the only food around for countless miles. And now, unlike before, Natsuno found himself possessed of a speed and agility that proved perfect for the task at hand. He crouched beside the obsidian river, piercing the murky folds of water with his razor-eyes and waiting. The first time he successfully snatched a passing fish, he was so surprised that he let go of it immediately, tossing it behind him up the shore. He then had to chase after it as it tried to flop its way back to the water. Holding it by the tail, Natsuno stared at the grotesquely gaping mouth, the rolling eyes and thrashing body. He felt the creaking of the spine as the fish fought for its life. A strange and irrational impulse rose within him to put the fish back in the water and let it go its way….where had _that_ come from? He didn't even like fish or think of them as pets. Perhaps it was because he somehow couldn't look at the desperately flopping body without wondering if a human being thrashed around in the same way as they were robbed of their life by an okiagari's fangs. He thought of Tohru, and-

-slammed the writhing body headfirst against the nearest rock, where it jerked once and did not thrash anymore.

After this, Natsuno rooted around in the woods to find some wood that had not been completely burned. Carrying it back to the river, he flicked the lighter he had found in one of the bedside drawers of the cabin and lit a tongue of flame inside the wooden stack. It took a while for the flame to build; while the fire progressed, Natsuno returned to the river and continued his fish massacre, this time with no hesitation. Soon he had half a dozen silver-streaming bodies lying at his feet upon the bank. Fetching a knife from within his pocket, Natsuno knelt down and slowly let his hands work with the memory of the motions his mother had showed him long ago. It was significantly messier this time because the fish weren't frozen. Several times, the jinrou sulked down to the bank to wash his hands off, although replacing the blood and grime with dirt and soot wasn't much of an improvement. It took him longer than he'd anticipated to remove the head, tail, scales, and bones. By the time he had stripped the bodies down to only the meat, the fire was roaring merrily above the bank. Natsuno was not worried about the smoke leading someone to him; his was just one of the many smoke trails climbing into the sky from still-smoldering debris. Once again, he walked into the woods and roamed until he found some long, thin sticks that felt hardy to the touch. Hauling them back, he sat cross-legged beside the fire and shaved their ends into points. With one end, he speared a slab of meat and dangled it over the fire, driving the other end down into the ground so the stick would stay upright. He repeated the procedure until all the meat was roasting, then hunched over and stared dully into the flames. Only now did he allow himself to think about what he'd been doing. He remembered the second night Tohru had come to his home as an okiagari, and he had tried to run from him after confronting him outside. He remembered asking his former friend why they couldn't all live in peace, why the okiagari couldn't simply take minimal amounts of blood from humans without killing them. He remembered how Tohru had insisted it could never work that way, growing increasingly frantic as he rationalized that killing a human for their blood was no different than killing a pig for its meat. _Or a fish,_ Natsuno thought languidly. Did Tohru really believe that, he wondered, or had it been nothing more than a pathetic attempt to make himself feel better about what he was going to do? Of course, Natsuno knew now that killing humans had been the point all along; the Kirishikis had been trying to create a Shiki haven in Sotoba by killing off all the villagers in hopes that some would rise up and join their ranks. The newly-turned okiagari would not have been permitted to drink without killing. Even so….Natsuno scowled and drove his blade deep into the blackened earth. Even so, Tohru was wrong, whether he had meant what he said or not. Killing a human was not like killing a pig or a fish or a cow. It just wasn't. It was unacceptable.

As the sun swung low on the horizon and the fire cooked his meat, Natsuno unclipped a canteen, his latest find, from the ridge of his pants and carefully opened the lid. He had been saving this clean water, and now he carefully poured it in little streams over his meat to keep it from drying out. The meat hissed and crackled, and he knew that it was almost done. On a whim, the jinrou closed the canteen again and scooped up the scattered bones of the fish in his dirty hands. They felt alien, bending between his fingers like strange jewelry. He carried them to the water's edge and poured the bones back into the murk, watching their whiteness vanish as soon as they hit the water as though they had been eaten. He had read once in his textbook during history class that the indigenous peoples who had used to live off this land thousands of years ago had believed that returning the bones of a fish to the water meant the fish would live again, and that this ritual ought to be observed by humans as a sign of gratitude for the meal the fish provided. Natsuno didn't think he really believed in fish returning to life, but then, not so long ago he would have called the idea of a dead person returning from their grave ludicrous. The world was no longer the sensible place he had once thought it was, and in the end, he supposed, one never knew. The water vibrated for a moment as a gentle wave rolled over the top, and then all was still.

Natsuno returned to the fireside and used the last of his water to get his hands as clean as possible before beginning his long-anticipated meal. He ate quickly, noticing the sun setting and the forest darkening around him. He had nothing to season the fish with, so it tasted like _fish,_ but he could feel the food rejuvenating his mind, making him stronger and more alert. As he moved around the fire, taking down strip after strip of meat and devouring them hungrily, he began to think ahead to the days and weeks to come. How was he going to find food in the future? And not just that, but he needed new clothes, shoes, more water, additional survival materials…. And not only for him, but- Tohru. Sighing, Natsuno gazed into the fire and thought deeply about all of this, his newly alert mind beginning to devise the vestiges of a plan.

Before long, Natsuno realized it was completely dark and he should probably head back. He didn't want to leave Tohru alone when he was awake, especially since he wasn't sure about the other's state of mind or whether he could trust him to remain by the cabin. Finishing his last bite of fish, Natsuno considered the fire for a moment before deciding to let it burn itself out. He didn't really feel like stomping down the flames with bare feet, even though the wounds would heal quickly afterward. Gathering up the canteen, the lighter, and the knife, Natsuno took one last glance toward the river, now visually indistinguishable from the wasteland around it, and began to run back the way he'd come, allowing his night vision and superior senses to guide him.

As he drew up beside the half-collapsed cabin, the jinrou's ears picked up a soft shuddering sound coming from behind the closed bedroom door. Stepping over the downed rubble of the living room wall, he listened intently as he approached the door. It seemed to be coming from the middle of the bedroom. Tentatively, he gripped the handle and quickly pushed open the door, staring sharply inside. He caught a glimpse of Tohru curled up on the floor beside his bed, head bowed and sobbing softly into his fists. Then the okiagari raised his head and red eyes widened as they latched onto Natsuno. The next thing he knew, the blonde boy had heaved himself to his feet and vanished from his place beside the bed. The startled jinrou barely had time to take another breath before he found himself tackled to the ground with wild abandon. _"Natsuno!"_

In the moment between drawing out his claws in instinctual defense and actually swiping at Tohru with them, Natsuno realized the okiagari was not trying to attack him. He was able to change the trajectory of his hands as the blonde boy gripped his shoulders fiercely, eyes still jeweled with tears. The jinrou stared quizzically up into them, startled by the impassioned response to his arrival. "….Yes?"

Tohru shook his head, gripping the other's shoulders tighter. "W-when I woke up, I- you were gone, and I- I thought you'd probably left and gone on without me, and I didn't know w-what to do…."

Ah. That explained it. Still lying languidly against the ground, Natsuno tried to mold his face into something resembling reassurance. "Of course not, Tohru. I said I would be here, didn't I? There's no need to get so worked up. I just went into the woods to find some food, and it took me longer than I expected to finish cooking and eating it."

The okiagari breathed deeply and nodded, leaning back and allowing Natsuno to sit upright upon the floorboards. He seemed in no hurry to move away to a proper distance, though. "Well then, I- I'm glad you had something to eat. What did you find?" He wrinkled his nose slightly. "You smell like-"

"Like fish? That would be an astute observation," Natsuno finished, frowning as he looked down at his dirty arms. "The rivers are pitch-black, but they're still flowing, although not very well."

"I was going to say you smell like smoke, but now that you mention it, there's fish too," Tohru commented softly, glancing over Natsuno as though wondering whether he was allowed to look. "Smoke and fish and- _aaaaaah!_"

The jinrou's senses sharpened again as Tohru let out a painful grunt and whipped away from him, turning his back and hunching his shoulders. It was too late, though- Natsuno had seen the blood-red hunger gleaming in his eyes. He knew what Tohru had smelled on him underneath the scents of fire and dirty water. He sighed, stood up, and headed for the bathroom.

Tohru's guilty expression followed him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Natsuno. I didn't mean-"

"How long has it been since you last fed?" the jinrou asked curtly. He scooped some clean water into the mixing bowl, grabbed a washcloth from underneath the sink, and picked up the bar of soap resting on the shelf.

Tohru blinked, biting his lip. "I….I don't know. It's been a while."

Natsuno grunted under his breath as he stepped outside the bedroom. Tohru followed him timidly as he squatted at the edge of the ruined living room wall, soaked the washcloth, and began to rinse the soot and murk off his arms and hands. He did not speak or acknowledge the other. When he finished, he poured the now-blackened water out onto the ground, wrung out the washcloth, and left it upon a stone to dry. He loped back into the bathroom and returned the soap to the shelf. Then he sat down on the bed he'd claimed for himself and stared out the door, into the night.

Tohru sat tentatively upon his own bed and wrapped his arms around himself. His movements were painful and pressurized, and every now and then, he shook his head sharply as though trying to dislodge something within it. Eventually he rolled over and lay down, curling himself up tightly. His red eyes peered through the darkness at the jinrou. "Natsuno….?"

"Hmmm?"

"I- I know you told me not to attack humans, and I really….I really don't want to attack anyone. I really don't. But I'm getting so_ thirsty_ and I'm not sure how much longer I can take this and stay calm, so maybe….maybe you should restrain me so I won't be able to attack you if I lose control."

Natsuno shook his head calmly. "There's no need for that."

"But I-"

"I told you that you weren't allowed to attack humans, didn't I? There aren't any humans around here for you to feed off of, anyway. But I'm not going to make impossible demands. I'm not asking you to starve. I'm just asking you not to kill." Natsuno rolled up the sleeve of his bedraggled shirt, revealing the clean white flesh underneath. "You can't kill me, Tohru. Not again."

The red eyes widened, and then sank down into a deep sadness. "Natsuno…." For a moment, the okiagari looked as though he would refuse, but he could not deny that his body desperately needed what was offered. He silently rose and edged his way over to the jinrou's bed, suddenly seeming fearful of coming too close.

Natsuno patted the bedspread. "Sit down," he ordered, and Tohru obeyed. He cast a glance over his outstretched arm. "Will it work? Will my blood still satisfy you? I'm not human anymore…."

"I think it will," Tohru murmured, closing his eyes briefly.

Natsuno looked at him calculatingly. "How do you know?"

"Because I can smell it, and I _want_ it," the okiagari explained, a little shiver running through his body. "It's only like that with blood that can nourish me. Animal blood doesn't smell that way, for example."

"All right," Natsuno acquiesced, holding out the proffered arm. "Go ahead, then. Try not to spill any blood on the bedsheets. Or my clothes, for that matter."

Tohru only stared, looking like a child lost in the woods after dark. Natsuno pressed his arm insistently against the okiagari's chest. "Come on, Tohru. We both know you need it. Don't draw out your suffering."

Inhaling a shuddering and unnecessary breath, the blonde boy carefully gripped Natsuno's wrist in one hand and his elbow in the other. His eyes were blazing with hunger, yet he paused for a long moment before murmuring, "Give me a push on the shoulder if you want me to stop," and then letting his head descend slowly toward the upturned arm. He did not bite right away. He ran his freezing lips over the heated flesh, stopping every so often to probe the skin with his tongue. Probably looking for the largest, most swollen vein, Natsuno figured. He was glad that Tohru's face was turned down so he could not see him blushing at the sensations of this close contact, which he was not at all accustomed to. Finally, Tohru found a place near the crook of his arm and held still a moment before swiftly piercing open the flesh. Natsuno winced, but kept his arm determinedly still. Although he could apparently heal almost immediately after any injury, pain was still a reality in his life during the time the wound was open. Being a jinrou, he was immune to the hypnotic chemicals contained within Tohru's fangs. He remained alert as the okiagari suctioned his lips against his flesh and began to rhythmatically drink the blood as it seeped from the bite marks. Tohru was mostly silent, except for occasional hums of satisfaction as he fed the demanding hunger inside of him. Natsuno watched for a little while, then stared out the door into the night again. He himself had fed on human blood only once so far in his career as a jinrou. It had been after he had rescued Akira from Tatsumi's trap and brought him to reunite with Kaori in a hospital outside of Sotoba. There, he had explained to the siblings what he had become and the mission he intended to accomplish with his undead existence. It cost him a fair bit of his pride, but he had begrudgingly admitted that Tatsumi was much stronger than he was, and he would need to drink blood if he were to have any chance of facing him head-on. Kaori had looked like she might faint at the suggestion, but Akira had boldly volunteered, saying that if it was to defeat the monsters who had killed his parents, he would gladly donate his blood to 'Natsuno nii-san.' The feeding in itself had been tense and fast, with the pressure of death all around him, surrounded by two people he thought he would never live to see again. He had not enjoyed it at all. He remembered thinking as he departed from the hospital that he had crossed the final frontier, and it was a good thing he would soon be permanently dead, so he wouldn't have to live with the loss of his humanity. In the present time, Natsuno returned his eyes to Tohru's bowed head as the okiagari continued feeding on his blood, now more slowly and pleasurably. Fate, it seemed, had other plans for him, and he wasn't sure at all how to feel about this.

Eventually Tohru withdrew his fangs and lapped gently at the blood still leaking from the twin wounds until they healed over. Then he sighed, a soft, relieved sound, and lifted his head to meet Natsuno's eyes, a single line of red running down the right side of his mouth. "Thank you, Natsuno…."

"It's fine," the jinrou answered huskily, averting his eyes and staring out the door. "That's one more thing we won't have to worry about for now."

"No, really. I mean it," Tohru insisted, still holding on to Natsuno's arm despite the fact that he was done feeding. "You're much kinder to me than I deserve, Natsuno…." He sniffled slightly, licking the redness from his lips and staring down into his lap. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I didn't want to do it, but I- I was scared. I was so scared, and I couldn't see a way out. I ruined your dreams and threatened your future, and then I left you alone to die. I don't expect you to ever forgive me for that." Two large, silver tears fell down into his lap, and despite this declaration, the okiagari clung tighter to the jinrou's arm. Natsuno did not respond. Tohru was trying to cross a bridge that he was not ready to come to. Still staring determinedly at his kneecaps, the blonde boy shuddered and murmured softly, "I left flowers outside your window. Every night, until I couldn't stand to come there anymore. Did you know that?"

"I did. I saw you," the jinrou responded, remembering the line of wilted flowers on the earth below his window ledge, the sight of the miserable okiagari kneeling there in the night, crying and confessing his sins as if expecting some sort of response from his dead friend's bedroom. He remembered how he had hidden himself in the trees above his house and contemplated showing himself to Tohru, but ultimately decided he had nothing to say to the weeping murderer below. Now Tohru leaned his messy head softly against his shoulder, and Natsuno debated pushing him away. The okiagari did not ask why his former friend had not revealed his continued existence to him before.

"Hey. Listen," Natsuno spoke up, deciding that changing the subject would be the safest course of action right now. "Tomorrow night, we're going to hike down to the remains of the village and see what we can find."

Tohru sat up straighter, turning his hesitant eyes on the jinrou. "Go back to Sotoba? Are you sure that will be safe?"

"I think so. There shouldn't be anyone around at night. And even if there is, we'll be able to sense their presence and avoid them. I've got a list of materials I hope we'll be able to find intact inside the ruined buildings. We should operate on the assumption that we'll be here for a little while, and if we have the things we need, it will be less risky."

Tohru nodded slowly. "All right. Then….do you need me to do anything to prepare?"

Natsuno shrugged. "Not really. We haven't got much to prepare with at the moment, which is why we're going scavenging down there. We'll carry back whatever we find inside these pillowcases." He patted the pillow leaning against the headboard of his bed. "Right now, what I really need to do is take another nap so I'll have my energy back when we make the trip. You keep an eye on the forests around the cabin until daylight. All right?"

Tohru nodded again, standing up from Natsuno's bed and pulling back the covers so the jinrou could crawl blearily under them. He could recover from blood loss faster than a human, but he still needed rest to accomplish this. Remembering something else, Natsuno flicked his hand toward the door. "Put all of the bowls and cups out in the kitchen area in case it rains again, but aside from that, _stay here._"

The okiagari quirked his lips back in a humorless smile as he lowered the covers lightly over Natsuno. "Why would I leave?" he murmured lowly. "And where would I go?" Assuming the question was rhetorical, the jinrou did not answer, burying the side of his face in the pillow and folding the bottom edge of the blankets underneath his feet so the heat would not escape. He watched the straight-backed figure of Tohru wander slowly toward the door, glancing back once as he stood underneath its frame. His lower jaw worked as though he wanted to say something, but when he met Natsuno's stare, his eyes dropped and the moment passed in silence. The jinrou shut his eyes as the door closed and the faint, ashy breeze blowing through the doorway stopped. He breathed in and out, inhaling intermixing scents of the cabin- of him, of Tohru, of the unnamed humans who had stayed here before them, of the wood and nails and rust that made up the building. He fell asleep quickly and dreamed he was at home in his bedroom, listening to his father working in the woodshop down the hall, the sharp smell of newly sawed wood wafting under his door and crowding the air above his bed.


	5. Into Sotoba

**Hey guys! I'm back! And I'm super excited to be posting another chapter of _Underneath the Shade,_ especially since I've been unsure for awhile whether I would continue this story. It's not that I don't like the story- I really do! I guess you could say it's all my computer's fault. It was a very traumatizing day in my household when my computer randomly decided to die on me, taking with it several finished chapters of this story, as well as several more chapter outlines and many other documents I was working on. At first I thought "Hey, it's no big deal, I have a backup system in place." However, as it turned out, my backup system had stopped working several months ago and failed to notify me. :( Working with some very smart computer-tech people, I managed to recover some of my documents...but unfortunately, we couldn't salvage any of the work I'd done for this story. So I basically lost everything I had, which was a huge blow to my plans to continue with this story. So I put it on hiatus for awhile and kind of drifted away from it over the summer, vaguely wondering whether I should even bother continuing. **

**Then I came back to this site one day and decided to look through my old stories. And I read everybody's reviews about how much they liked this story and were hoping for the next chapter. And I'm not gonna lie, my little author's heart was touched. So I thought, "Hey, you know what? I've created something that I really like, and plenty of other people seem to really like it as well. I should continue creating it, even if there are setbacks along the way." So without further ado, I got started doing a re-write of the chapters I had lost, starting with this one, which I happily present to you now. I hope to get another chapter out before the end of the month. **

**I'd like to respond to some of your reviews, but I feel like you guys have waited long enough for this chapter, so I'll save that for the following chapters. But I really would like to say thank you to all of my readers, and especially to everyone who favorited and followed and left me amazing, inspiring reviews. You guys are the reason this story is alive again. So here's a new chapter, all for you! Enjoy. :)**

Natsuno stared down critically at the pile of things he had amassed on top of his bed. He had just finished laying out all of the supplies for their planned excursion tonight. Five pillowcases, a lighter, a canteen of water, two knives, two flashlights, and the hammer and stakes he had gotten from the hilltop (in case of Shiki encounters.) They didn't want to bring too many things down to Sotoba, on the assumption that they would have more to carry back up. They needed just enough to help them search through buildings and protect themselves in case of danger. The jinrou nodded once, then strode over to the bedroom door and cracked it open, peering across the half-ruined living room into the forest beyond. The sun had just sunk below the horizon, and he could see the glowing sheen of its presence dyeing a purple sunset in the western sky. It was time. He wanted to get started immediately, so they would have as much night as possible to search for the things they needed. Natsuno shut the door and approached the other bed, where Tohru had been lying still and silent until a few moments ago. Now, as if his body sensed the arms of nightfall extending across the land, the okiagari stirred, his blonde curls tossing against the bedsheets. Natsuno rested a hand upon the other's shoulder, shaking him lightly. "Tohru. Tohru, wake up. _Tohru._"

The sound of his voice did not instigate the desired response. Instead, Tohru merely mumbled unintelligibly and patted the jinrou's arm without opening his eyes. Natsuno shook harder, and the okiagari burrowed his head under the covers. Furrowing his brow at his former friend's avoidance of regaining consciousness, Natsuno scoffed and then let his body drop heavily onto the mattress in a sitting position. His sudden weight bounced the okiagari out from underneath the covers, and Tohru lurched clumsily upward, casting his eyes around the room in groggy confusion. After a moment they met with the figure of the jinrou, arms folded and face a deadpan blank. A sheepish expression stole over Tohru's features. "Aaaah….sorry. Was I trying to sleep in?"

"You were trying very determinedly," Natsuno replied, shoving an empty pillowcase at the okiagari. "But we don't have time for that. The sun has set, and we need to start out for Sotoba."

Tohru nodded and crawled out of bed, slouching behind Natsuno over to the layout of supplies. "You take this, this, and these," Natsuno ordered, handing the okiagari a flashlight, a knife, and three of the empty pillowcases to put inside the pillowcase he'd just given him. The rest of the materials he secured inside his own pillowcase, then turned back to his silent companion. "We're going to descend carefully through the forest and enter Sotoba from the northeast corner. Keep your eyes on the landscape around you so you know how to get back here, just in case we get separated for whatever reason. I'm not expecting that to happen, though. We need to keep out senses tuned at all times for any kind of presence, human or otherwise. If we do come across something, we'll make sure to give it a wide berth, no matter who it is," he enunciated, staring hard into Tohru's eyes. "As long as no one knows we've survived, no one will come looking for us. We can't go around wantonly revealing ourselves to people who knew us before, or we risk our safety." He waited for Tohru to nod before continuing. "My plan is to start out going through the commercial area of the village. If any of the stores are still somewhat intact, we may be able to find food or clothing. Then we'll walk along the roads and see what we encounter. We might be able to find supplies in residential homes as well. I expect this to take awhile, since Sotoba is so spread out. Lastly, I'd like to stop at the Ozaki clinic- assuming it's still standing- and see if we can find anything inside that might be of use to us. Specifically, I'm hoping we can find some pints of preserved medical blood for you. Aside from that, the list of things we need is as follows," Natsuno slung his pillowcase over his back and beckoned Tohru to follow him out the door as he continued talking. "We need clothes of all sorts- anything with a remote chance of fitting us. We can't afford to be picky. Shoes as well. I'd like to find a working watch, if possible. We need food- primarily canned food. Fruit or vegetables would be good, too- anything that's not spoiled or burned. Bottled water would be immensely useful. We can do without them, but if we happen to come across more washcloths, towels, blankets, and hopefully a can opener, we should definitely take them. I'd also like to find something we can use to carry things, something sturdier than pillowcases. Preferably a suitcase." Natsuno counted these things off on his fingers as he strode briskly through the ashy air of the darkened forest, Tohru tagging along behind. "That's the general list, but there's room for additions. Overall, if you see something which you think could be useful and we can get it back to the cabin without too much trouble, take it. It's better to be overprepared than underprepared."

He glanced behind him to see Tohru nodding seriously, still saying nothing. Natsuno swallowed and closed his mouth, having no more to say. That was the longest succession of words he had spoken to anyone in a long while, and it surprised him that it had been to Tohru, of all people. He found that it was relatively easy to talk to the okiagari about impersonal things such as plans and supplies. He didn't need to be present within those sentences, except as the arbiter of concise, fragmented directives. However, the thought of speaking to his former friend the way he used to, when they were human- in friendly chats and sarcastic banter and the occasional, exhilaratingly revealing discussion of inner thoughts, of hopes and dreams- the thought of _that_ made Natsuno's tongue harden and turn to lead inside his mouth. No, things could never be like that again. He didn't know exactly _why_ he was so drawn to take care of the okiagari, especially in the face of what he'd done- but it was _not_ because they were friends. Friends did not kill each other and then continue killing, sullying the bond and the values they had once shared. They were not friends, and that was that. If Tohru wanted a friend, he was going to have to go elsewhere. The okiagari's plaintive voice echoed in the back of Natsuno's head for a moment: _Where_ _would I go?_ The jinrou stubbornly pushed it away, refusing to feel sorry for the timid figure following closely behind him. Stupid Tohru, bringing all of this upon him. Making Natsuno care about him and then betraying him like that. Stupid Tohru, calling him by his first name.

Coming out of the hills, the two members of the undead emerged warily onto the level ground of the northeast corner of Sotoba. The night remained still and silent around them, and their keen senses did not detect the presence of anything living or undead, other than themselves and a few birds. By Natsuno's calculations, they needed to cut through several fields, cross the main road which led out of Sotoba, and then continue walking diagonally until they reached the town's commercial center. The houses around here were sparse, and the fire had burned thickly in this area, so they would not bother trying to scavenge along the way. Natsuno started across the barren dirt of a field that bordered the forest, Tohru's footsteps scuffing softly behind him. They had almost made it to the road on the other side when a nearby rustling sound caused both boys to freeze. Natsuno arched his back and curled his fingers into claws, his sharpened senses urgently penetrating the darkness. What could be making that sound? He'd detected nothing but birds before, and-! Ah…. The jinrou relaxed as his eyes caught onto a gathering of birds a few feet away, rustling their wings and hopping around, seemingly oblivious to their presence. Feeling somewhat silly, he retracted his claws and turned away, about to continue with his march when an ice-cold hand suddenly seized the cuff of his shirt. Natsuno stiffened and turned around to see Tohru shrinking into his side, staring past him at the feathered gathering. The jinrou was just about to pry him off when a group of the birds shifted to the side and he saw it too- the hazy outline of an ash-covered body lying in the field. The suddenness of it made him jump rather badly. As the birds continued to circle around and peck at the flesh, he stared openly at the grotesque impression of legs, a torso, a pair of splayed arms, the tip of a neck, and- Frowning as he sensed an anomaly, the jinrou ventured forward with a sense of sickened curiosity, hauling his companion behind him. Tohru seemed torn between his desire to stay away from the body and his refusal to let go of Natsuno's arm. As they drew closer, both boys inhaled deep, involuntary breaths and immediately coughed them out again as a putrid odor invaded their nostrils. Natsuno stared down through the darkness, his piercing eyes fixated to a single point. He had not been imagining things. The body- the body was missing its head. At least, that was what he assumed until he noticed that the dirt surrounding its shoulders was stained darker than the rest of the ground, stained and coated with a grayish, pulpy matter which the birds were pecking at in eerie silence. To either side of the body ran the rutted imprints of tractor marks. Just when Natsuno thought he could not possibly feel any more shocked, he took another glance over the torso, and the insides of his mind rang with recognition. Dirt-smeared, bloodstained, and half-burned by fire, he was nonetheless certain he had seen that ridiculously flamboyant dress before. A moment of panic overtook him as Natsuno staggered backward, his mind flashing over images of Megumi Shimizu as she had been- stalking him outside his window, crawling out from underneath Tohru's bed, attempting to bite him beside the village spring. His feet tripped over a clod of dirt and he felt Tohru steadying him as he backed off from the appalling vision before him. Shoulder to shoulder, the two boys stared in ashen silence upon the final resting place of the first of the villagers to be turned. The birds continued to circle around her, pecking obliviously at her remains.

Eventually, Natsuno tore his eyes from the grisly scene and glanced over at Tohru, whose face was empty and cavernous as he gazed down at the body of his murderer, the thief of his humanity. After a moment he shook his head and backed away, pulling Natsuno with him. "Let's go, Natsuno. Let's go. There's nothing to stay here for; let's leave." The jinrou allowed himself to be dragged a few feet away before he paused and took a final look behind him, the weaker okiagari tugging uselessly at his arm. Megumi Shimizu….even in her final death, she found a way to disgust him. She had been one of the most virulent of the okiagari; careless, remorseless, soulless. It seemed like her evil deeds had finally caught up with her. His mind reached automatically across the year he had lived in Sotoba, all that time having to put up with her obsessive little crush on him. She was always getting dressed up in her inappropriate costumes, trying to be appealing for him. It had been annoying, to say the least, but he could never have imagined back then how depraved she truly was. Becoming an okiagari had given her an outlet for the darkness and vanity inside of her, and this was how she had ended. Curdled and crushed and rotted for all the world to see. As Natsuno gazed over her remains, he could not help but think about how she would have had a heart attack if she could have seen him looking at her in this revolting state. So he looked long and hard before turning away for the final time. As he allowed Tohru to lead him out of the field, the jinrou silently vowed never to think of her again after this night was over. She had robbed him of his peace of mind for long enough while she was "alive"; he'd be damned if he allowed her to continue even after she was nothing more than a smear on a farmer's field. _Congratulations, Megumi Shimizu,_ he thought as they crossed the black-topped road and hurried through the night into the desecrated town ahead. _You're finally as ugly on the outside as you always were on the inside. And I am finally done with you. _

They traveled on in utter silence for half an hour before Tohru spoke up suddenly. "I had to do it, you know. I had to bite you before she could. I couldn't let it be her."

Surprised, Natsuno turned his head ever so slightly to the side. Tohru was looking pale and ashamed, although he supposed the okiagari always looked pale and ashamed nowadays. "What are you talking about?"

"I couldn't let it be her," Tohru repeated stubbornly. "Megumi was selfish and evil. She would have abused you, Natsuno. She was dying to sink her fangs into you so she could use her hypnotic powers to make you play at being her boyfriend while she slowly killed you. She would have….made you do all kinds of things that you would never have wanted to do in your right mind. So I thought to myself, 'Natsuno would hate that. It's too awful.' So when Tatsumi ordered me to do it, I went off to bite you myself." Tohru hugged his arms across his body and hunched his shoulders as if he were cold. Natsuno found himself slowing down, listening to the okiagari despite himself. "So I came to your house, and you opened your window…. And then you saw me, you looked at me and I couldn't do it. I ran away and hid. I didn't want you to see what I'd become. I don't….I don't think I could have made myself go back, even though I was terrified of what they'd do to my family if I didn't. But then…." Tohru walked more slowly still. "Then Megumi came out from the trees and told me that she was going to do what I couldn't. And I- I thought-" The okiagari's voice trembled, becoming thick with suppressed tears. "I thought, 'I can't save Natsuno from being bitten. Even if I don't do it, someone else will. But if I bite him instead of Megumi, then at least he can still die as himself. I want to be the one beside him at the end. Even if….even if he hates me for it.' " Tohru sniffled once and bowed his head, like a child preparing himself to receive punishment. "So I….well, you know what I did."

Natsuno suddenly wished he was alone, so he could have time to process all of this without feeling like he needed to think of a response to Tohru's confession. He cleared his throat and tried to set the pace again. "When it comes down to it, I suppose I'm glad it was you and not Shimizu who bit me. Because of that, I was able to die as myself, as you said….and that was important to me." He shifted his frame and began to stride more quickly. The throbbing anger in the back of his head was still there. "Even so, it was your decision that sealed my fate. I offered you another way, and you turned me down. You held my _life_ in your hands, and you let it fall. For that reason, I-"

"It wouldn't have worked, Natsuno!" Tohru insisted, distress rising in his voice. "We couldn't have found a solution! We were already trapped, both of us!"

"You have no right to say that," the jinrou informed him flatly, stepping over a series of fallen fence rails in his path. "You didn't even try to avoid killing. You were too afraid to try. After I died, you just kept on going, crushing lives…."

Tohru gave a sudden, sharp, almost animalistic wail as he fisted his hands in his hair, dropping his makeshift rucksack and staggering to the side. Natsuno ground his heels to a halt and watched his former friend's body give a convulsive shudder as Tohru pulled more desperately at his golden hair, as if trying to tear the memories out of his head through the roots. The jinrou watched him stagger as a dispassionate grimace swept across his own features. He wasn't going to take back what he'd said, for all of it was perfectly true. Dismissing what Tohru had done would be an insult to the memories of his victims, Natsuno included. Still, the jinrou felt no joy or sense of vindication in witnessing the other's suffering. It was as he had always thought. Hurt only bred hurt, and no one's pain could relieve anyone else's. This was it, Natsuno thought as he watched Tohru finally fold over onto the fire-scarred earth. This was the weight of killing. This was the price of fulfilling a momentary hunger by devouring something that could never be given back. Shame. Endless agony. It was either this or lose all feeling altogether, become a monster like the crushed female okiagari they had left behind in the field. For the first time, as he watched Tohru shudder, Natsuno thought he truly understood how monsters were created. It started with a sin, a cruelty that grew and gnawed as it was left unmended. Then, unable to reconcile what they had done with their human conscience, they chose to dispense with every last bit of that conscience to escape the pain it caused them. After that they were painless, soulless. They could do whatever they wanted. They could do anything at all, to anyone, without feeling a thing. Natsuno wondered whether that loss gave rise to an exhilarating feeling at first, before it devolved into an emptiness that nothing could fill. He gritted his teeth and quietly approached the slumped okiagari, whose hands had moved from his hair to his face to hide his tears. Pain or no pain, he knew he couldn't let Tohru become like that. Not even if it would grant him an artificial reprieve from his suffering. He moved around the blonde boy's back and squatted down beside him. The clawed hands tightened around the shielded face.

"You're right," the okiagari moaned softly. "I'm a horrible person. A coward. I didn't even try to stop myself from killing after I killed you. I thought, 'Now I've done the worst thing in the world. What could possibly condemn me any more than that?' " He shivered intensely in the cold night air. "I didn't even try. Not like Ritsuko. She was so brave. She refused to feed off her friend, did you know that? The Kirishikis kidnapped her nurse friend from the clinic and locked them in a cage together. Even though her hunger pains were so strong, even though I begged her and threatened her to do it, she still forced herself not to bite her friend. She said she didn't want to hate herself. I didn't deserve someone like her in a million years." Tohru finally glanced up at the jinrou standing above him, the hollowness of his gaze piercing through his defenses. "And do you know what the humans did when they found us out in Yamairii? They killed her. Didn't even give her a moment to explain. They pounded a stake right through her heart and she didn't even try to fight them off. She died so quietly." Tohru buried his face in his hands again, his voice coming cracked through the tears. "The humans were pinning me on the ground and I was trying to fight them off, bite them, do whatever I could, and there was screaming all around, people running and killing, and I didn't even realize she was gone until I looked up and saw her lying there. She was just so…." Tohru pressed his lips together as if he wanted to stop talking, but couldn't manage to seal the words inside. "After they ran out of stakes, they tied the rest of us, put us in a truck bed, and drove us to that hill so the sun would finish us as soon as it rose. I couldn't really think of anything at that point….but I remember saying to myself, 'At least it was over quickly for her. At least she won't burn slowly like I'm going to.' "

Natsuno watched the okiagari bow his head in misery. He could not help but feel that misery too as he thought of Ritsuko as she had been- chasing her dog down the road, teasing him about his dislike for his name, caring for anyone and everyone at the clinic, riding beside Tohru in the passenger seat and teaching him to drive. She had not deserved her brutal end, even though she had risen up from the dead. For the first time, Natsuno allowed himself to be staggered by the magnitude of losses caused by the end of Sotoba. When he had been fighting the Shiki, he had not permitted himself to think that way; he had kept his recognition of the situation confined to manageable levels, to guard against the always-present temptation to give up. But now that it was over, the jinrou could not deny the scale of losses they had suffered. They had lost an entire village. All of their teachers, their friends, their families. Everyone who had helped them or hurt them, everyone they had known. He had seen war movies where this happened, but the endings, in which the survivors found self-gratification and closure by going on a bloody rampage of revenge, were implausible at best. How was it even possible to recover from such an atrocity in the real world?

Beside him, Tohru clutched his head softly again. "I don't know what happened to me. I didn't used to be like this. I used to be good. I had a great family, lots of nice friends. I had no reason to ever hate anyone. But then I was bitten, and I turned into _this._" He shuddered again. "At first I thought that maybe I couldn't help it. I thought that it was just the way of things, that being an okiagari made me evil, made me need to kill. It was easier to think like that, because it made it less….my fault, the things that I was doing. But Ritsuko proved me wrong. That's why I was so upset with her. She proved that being a Risen never _made_ me do anything; it never took away my freedom of will. It wasn't some sort of evil transformation that was making me do those things. It was just….me. And I can't stand to know that, because I'm such a coward. More than anything else, I hate that about myself."

Natsuno laid a hand on his former friend's shoulder, and it was like toppling over the first block in a line of dominoes. Tohru fell onto him and cried, his head folding into his shoulder, hands clutching the back of Natsuno's shirt so hard that the claws speared through the fabric. Natsuno let Tohru curl up into his side, heavy and cold as death, his tears like freezing rain upon the skin. He did not say anything to the okiagari. What was there to say that could right any of these fallen lives, including their own? Words were frivolous things. Throughout this entire ordeal, Natsuno had known that Tohru needed to be listened to much more than he needed to be talked at, and so, against the voices of his lingering resentment, Natsuno kept his hand upon the okiagari's shoulder and listened to the guttural sobs of his guilt. _What was there to say? _The night enfolded its black-cloaked arms around them.

Eventually, Natsuno perceived that Tohru had neither the strength nor the drive to stand up and move forward on his own. The jinrou considered scrapping their mission and returning to the cabin to try again another night, but his practical mind warned against it. They had already come this far, and Sotoba would not stay abandoned forever. Soon there would be clean-up crews and disaster analysts and possibly even surviving villagers come to scavenge in the ruins of their homes. Going back now, they could miss a golden opportunity. And he really was very hungry, and tomorrow night Tohru would need more blood. Flexing his muscles in preparation, Natsuno stood up, hooking his arm under Tohru's and bringing him up with him. "We're going on," he announced as the okiagari wiped his eyes, mutely resigning himself to continue the trudge. "I know it's hard for you, Tohru….so you can hold onto my arm if you want." Even in his head that sounded dumb, but the blonde boy wasted no time in doing exactly that, linking their arms together as they began to walk away from that place. Natsuno glanced back at the soil, darkened even further by the fallen tears. He imagined all of the grief Tohru had poured out sinking underground, loosening the earth with its moisture until it finally absorbed into a seed, somewhere far underground where the fire hadn't reached, unlocking the frail drop of life from within the ocean of dead things. Natsuno shook his head and continued walking, unsure why he was suddenly thinking in images. The patch of burned earth faded into the darkness behind them.

"Can I ask you one thing?" the jinrou questioned quietly as they began to glimpse the rising hulks of gutted buildings from Sotoba's downtown district. He felt the okiagari nod beside him.

"What happened to Ritsuko's friend? The nurse that the Kirishikis brought for her to feed on?"

Tohru shook his head and bit his lip. "I let her go. Ritsuko begged me. I let them both go. I assume her friend ran back to the village and told the humans we were hiding out in Yamairii. That's how they found us. I knew they would come. Some of the others didn't think it would be so soon- they thought we had more time- but I knew. I was terrified. I wanted to run. But Ritsuko was so weak….and I couldn't leave her. I offered to carry her….but she didn't want to run." Tohru bit his lip again, this time drawing blood. "She was strong enough to accept….what I'd been so afraid of. For her, living on wasn't worth it if she'd have to take the life of others. She knew the truth. There's no place in the living world for the dead."

The okiagari squeezed his eyes shut and leaned himself closer to Natsuno, shivering. Their wrists brushed close together, and for the first time, Natsuno was acutely aware that only a single pulse flowed between them. The jinrou turned his head forward and nodded shortly, and the silent pair continued their journey toward the uncertain edges of the lifeless buildings that rose above them, blocking out the ashen moon.


End file.
